Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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