I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
