I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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