so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
