HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
