already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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