Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
