My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's shark week go big or go home
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
