Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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