I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
