I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
