Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
