I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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