You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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