He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
