It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't turn off my feet"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
