i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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