lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
