I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
