Can i not drive my cunt home
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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