SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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