I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
