K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
