is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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