I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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