just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
