apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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