Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
