In the future we'll all be gay
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Screwed.edu
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
