Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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