It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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