i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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