oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
