i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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