i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
