apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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