he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize