She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
