wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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