Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
