i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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