It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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