If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
