You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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