I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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