I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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