my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
