and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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