I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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