I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
