well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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