Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Can Purell be used as lube?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
