fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
