Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
