she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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