He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
