Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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