my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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