Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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