Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
