remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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