I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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