Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
