Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
