I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
