ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
