remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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