Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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