So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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