The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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