smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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