i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
