He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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