Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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